Okay?
by LibbyLou22
Summary: People kept asking if she was ok. Was she? No. Explores Elizabeth's point of view on the dirty bomb aftermath.


I just rewatched 2x15 where the dirty bomb goes off and I had an idea. It's unrelated to my snapshots story (I am working on another chapter for that I swear). But this came to me and I just had to explore her feelings during the bombing. How awful it must have been to be unable to be with her family.

Please review. This is only my second Madam Secretary Story so any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Henry would never forgive her if she left now. However, she would never forgive herself if he died while she was here. The thought rang over and over in her head.

When the President ended the shelter in place, Elizabeth lept out of her chair. It was probably unprofessional to run in the Whitehouse she thought as she sprinted down the hall. As she met the outside air, the cold hit her all at once. She lept into her sedan. "St. Ann's now." This was not a time to be polite, to be professional her husband might be dying. She hit the button and raised the black barrier between her and her security. A single tear fell, and she wiped it away. This was the first time she had been alone since this ordeal started. The first time she was able to fully process properly what had happened and have an actual human reaction to it.

Her husband and kids involved in a bombing. Her husband was lying in the hospital with radiation poisoning, possibly dying and she was at the White House. Her children terrified and alone at the hospital wondering if their father would live, and she was at the White House.

Sure she was a good leader, but what about a good wife, mother? In her family's time of need had she let them down? If Henry died now, she would never forgive herself. She sometimes wondered if she was selfish, too involved in her career and not enough with her family. She gave it all up once for her family. Should she do it again? It could be too late. She let out a sob.

Her tears and thoughts consumed her until they were 2 minutes out from the hospital when her security rapped on the window signaling their approach. Elizabeth wiped her tears and pulled out her compact repowering to cover the puffy eyes, knowing there would likely be media at the hospital entrance.

Blake met her at the entrance and ushered her inside her security close behind her. "Where's Henry?"

"Isolation ward, right this way." Blake flashed his credentials as they passed into the ward.

"Any word on the test results?" She felt dizzy.

"Nothing yet. Uh here." Blake handed her a cup

She looked down confused, "what is this?"

Blake passed the cup to her" Fruit Punch. It's all they had. You forget to hidreate when you are stressed."

Elizabeth looked at him and took a few large sips as they walked. God Bless Blake. She passed the glass back to him. "Ok. Where are the kids?"

"They're in the chapel. Here he's right over here. This room." Blake pointed to the room that contained his boss's husband.

As she approached the window she suddenly felt week at the knees. "Can I talk to him?" She looked back at Blake who pointed to the speaker button. She went to touch it but as she gazed at him asleep she knew deep down that hearing his voice would not help her. She could not touch him or comfort him and waking him up certainly wouldn't help him. He had to be in pain. Sleep was good. He was not in pain. "Let him sleep." She whispered.

"You Okay, ma'am?" Blake called from behind.

As she looked at her husband in a hospital bed, her wall crumbled. "No." There was no use hiding that she wanted to hide in a closet and cry. To hold her husband's hand. She was not ok because her whole world was in that bed, possibly dying. He was the love of her life, and she would not forgive herself if he died.

Seeing her husband awake through the window made her heart leap. Hearing from the doctor that his exposer of radiation was limited a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Kissing him and being told they could take him home made her wipe away a tear even though her big smile. Leaving him in the hospital parking lot to go back to the White House crushed her.

Sure. They got the guy. But not before the "guy" almost got her husband, her kids, her family. However, as she walked through the door to her home, she felt guilty. The familiar guilt that came with being a working mother and wife. She climbed the stairs not even bothering to take her coat off.

"Wow. They sent the Secretary of State to check on me." Henry quipped.

Elizabeth smiled as she sat down on the bed to kiss him. "Well, the president was busy so…"

Henry reached out to touch her with his bandaged hand and kissed her firmly. "Excuses. Excuses."

Elizabeth sighed looking at his tired face. He was still so attractive, "Gosh, hit by a dirty bomb and I still find you hot."

Henry looked at her; he could see the worry, fear and stress on her face. "well that is probably cause I'm radioactive."

Later that night after they had argued she found herself awake. She slipped out of bed and ducked into the closet and there amongst her shoes she cried. She cried for herself, her husband her family. And that's where Henry found her the next morning. Asleep clutching a pair of wedges and one of his dirty dress shirts.

"Elizabeth." He tried to kneel down but found his world spinning a bit.

Elizabeth peeked an eye open and looked up at him. "Hi?" She looked around confused before realizing what had transpired the night. She stood up and took his hand.

He looked at her confused. "Are you ok?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "My husband was almost just killed by a radioactive bomb. I am not okay. I am the exact opposite of ok whatever that is." She looked at him frustrated. "Why do people keep asking if I am ok? Isn't it obvious that I am not. You almost died. Do I have to be ok?"

He pulled her into a hug. "No you don't. I'm not. But we will be."


End file.
